


Ah, You Ruin Everything

by orphan_account



Series: We'll Never Go Home [1]
Category: Cow Chop
Genre: Fake Chop, First Meetings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-05 03:30:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11569395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: James gets stuck in a temporary alliance he definitely didn't want with a no-good bastard.





	Ah, You Ruin Everything

The girl was the chatty type, absentmindedly telling James her life story while he was nodding and pretending to care about her. She had already been drinking before James had made his move on her, lowering her awareness, loosening her up, blurring her consciousness. It was all a matter of timing now- if only she would shut up for a second.

She didn't show any signs of stopping soon, still talking about her problems with her family. James was losing his patience. It wasn't even the waiting anymore, it was something that some would've called envy. Who cared if daddy was fucking his secretary and mommy drank again because of that? She made bank off of them, subtly flaunting her wealth for the whole world to see. Her family's problems didn't concern her as she was most likely renting a condo downtown with the money her daddy made with his law firm. 

Lost in his thoughts, James sneered. The girl shot him a dirty look.

"Is there something funny about my grandfather dying?" she asked him.

James couldn't let an easy prey like her run away over his inability to stay calm. "No, just had an itchy nose," he lied, hoping that she would believe her.

To his luck, the girl seemed to be as gullible as she was rich. "Ew. Anyway, as I was saying, we all knew that Papa was sick..."

Where was he again? Ah, law firm. It was never just the law firm or the travel company or the tailor shop. Nine times out of ten, all of those businessmen would end up in jail for money laundering, bailed out in a matter of minutes. Their spoiled brats are shocked, their wives are furious, but they'd never leave their wealth behind. James could see this girl finding out about her daddy's arrest, crying her eyes out as her mommy was making him swear that he'd turn straight. Of course, it wouldn't last long, it never does. Daddy goes off to make more millions for his family while mommy is off snorting coke and their little brat is clueless, spending her father's hard earned bucks at a nightclub like this, telling her story to anyone who would listen. What a hard life she was leading, that poor girl.

The song had changed to a slower one and the girl was still going at it, so James decided to take the matters into his own hands. He pulled the girl closer, wrapping his arms around her for a slow dance. It was either a hit or a miss now, but he didn't want to suffer through another minute of her mindless babbling.

"Aww," the girl said, resting her head against his shoulder, "love to see how gentlemen still exist."

She hadn't ran away insulted like he had expected her to. James just pulled her even closer, keeping her head in place while he shimmied her clutch open. His fingers ghosted over car keys, a collection of various make-up, a pen and an unidentifiable plastic baggie. What he couldn't find was the massive wallet he had seen her put into her clutch after paying for her champagne.

James was starting to panic. She was supposed to be the star of his evening- young, stupid and filthy rich. He knew she had put her wallet in the clutch. James let go of the bag for a moment, letting his hands roam a bit in the look for any pockets he may have missed. Nada. Her wallet was gone.

Over her shoulder, James could see a man sitting on the stool next to hers, waving the wallet at him with a grin. Even worse, he had the audacity to wink. The man got up and headed for the back door.

"Hey, uh, it was really nice talking to you, Janet, but I just remembered that I forgot to lock my car," James said, swiftly taking the keys and drugs from her clutch as his last attempt to salvage at least something from her. He pocketed them before pushing her away, kissing her on the cheek before taking off after the thief.

"My name is Lexie!" the girl yelled at him, but James was out of reach already, storming through the back door to the alley behind the club.

The thief was sitting in a car parked on the street, frantically trying to hotwire it. James had hoped to go undetected, but the slam of the door made him look back and straight at him.

Instead of running, he got out of the car and turned to face James, raising his hands for a moment as a sign of truce. “Alright, Casanova, you got me. It’s been awhile since I tried to steal a car, you’d think that it’s just like riding a bike, once you’ve-”

“Shut the fuck up,” James barked. 

The thief rolled his eyes. “You don’t want to do this nicely?”

“Nicely? After you stole my loot?” James tensed up and took a couple of steps towards the asshole, who in turn backed up against the car. “No can do, buddy.”

The thief was clearly getting nervous now, running his hand through his ashy blond hair and laughing softly. “Really, we could just, I don’t know, split the money?” He looked at James to see if his offer had worked, only to see that he had pissed him off even more. Fuck. “Fine, I’ll just give it back to you, okay? Here, let me just-” He pulled the wallet out of the pocket of his hoodie, offering it to James.

James took what was his, but the sudden slam of the backdoor made the two of them freeze mid-deal. Lexie stood there with two bouncers, pointing at them. God, James was going to beat this guy up once they got out of here.

The bouncers started running at them. James could feel the thief tugging on his sleeve, ushering him to get in the car. He wasn’t happy about taking orders from this asshole, but he didn’t want this night to get any worse. He slinked into the car, maneuvering over the front panel to get into the passenger seat. The thief followed, shutting the door and resuming his hotwiring.

“You got a gun?” he asked James, nodding towards the bouncers.

James stared at him blankly. “You know, normal people don’t take guns to clubs.”

The thief sneered. “Normal people don’t pickpocket people in them, either.”

“Shut the fuck up,” James said. The bouncers had gotten to the car, trying to open the doors to get them out. “Could we maybe start driving already?”

“I fucking told you already, I’m rusty, give me some time to-”

“Does it look like we have any fucking time?” James raised his voice, ripping the wires out of the thief’s hands. Within seconds, the car roared to life. “Now drive before the cops get here!”

The man floored the gas, leaving the bouncers in the dust. As an afterthought, he rolled down the window, flipping them off before he turned around the corner. “Really got them, didn’t we?”

James didn’t answer. He was looking out of the window, quietly trying to untangle his rage before he hit the guy in the face. Which, honestly, he was very much planning to do, just not when he was driving. Thinking about it now, James should’ve punched him when he had the chance and left him behind. He sighed and sat up straight. “Hey, kid, what’s your name anyway?”

The thief took his eyes off the road for a moment, staring at James. “This sounds like a bad idea.”

“Watch the damn road,” James said, leaning back against the window. “What, you’re scared that I’ll rat you out? “Oh, hey officer, funny story, I was going to rob some stupid fucking blonde before this bastard called whatever came by so I went to beat him up but we got busted so we stole a car together, could you mayhaps arrest him?” Grow up.”

“Damn, you sure are an asshole. It’s Aleks.”

“Hey, Aleks?” James asked, still annoyed.

“Yeah?”

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

Aleks grinned in response, leaving them in silence only disturbed by the sound of the car and some sirens blaring from far away, no doubt looking for them near the club. The streets of Los Santos were quite empty at night, making their getaway swift and easy. With no traffic to slow them down, James and Aleks had already gotten to the other side of the city, circling around to make sure they would be untrackable.

Slightly disturbed by the silence, James turned on the radio. The owner of this car must’ve loved his country music, judging by the stations he had saved. James flipped through the frequencies for a while, tuning in to some generic rock station. Aleks turned to look at him for a moment, but he didn’t say anything. James moved on to rummaging through the glove compartment, trying his best to take his mind off the shitty day he’s had.

“Find anything good in there?” Aleks asked.

James was going to make a remark about Aleks wishing to steal that too, but he bit his tongue before he got too angry again. “Candy wrappers, matches, documents and a sudoku magazine.”

“Well, he sure is living an exciting life,” Aleks said. He was growing bored of the mindless driving. They were safe from the cops anyway by now. Or, well, for now. Many people had seen the two of them and the bouncers had probably written down the licence number of this car as they made their getaway. Now, all they had left to do was to get rid of the car and the evidence they had left behind. “Where do you want me to drop you off?”

“You really think I’m gonna tell you where I live?” James asked him. “Find some empty parking lot, I guess.”

“I told you my name and I still don’t know yours,” Aleks reminded him, “I don’t give a shit where you live anyway, just wanted to make it a bit more, I don’t know, convenient for you.” He pulled into the parking lot of some grocery store. It wasn’t empty per se, but there was nobody sitting in the cars parked by the entrance.

James looked at him for a moment. “Fair enough,” he decided, telling Aleks his name.

“Well, nice to meet you, James,” Aleks said. “Sorry I dragged you into this, I guess. You still pissed at me?”

“If it hadn’t been for you, I would’ve taken her wallet and fucked off, alone, with no cops on my tail or some juvenile asshole annoying me to hell. No shit I’m still pissed.” James got out of the car, waiting for Aleks to do the same. “Why do you even do this shit?”

Aleks leaned against the roof of the car, staring off at the store in thought. “It’s always the other guy that takes the blame. He finds out his prize is missing, he freaks out, she realizes that something is wrong. I have enough time to take off with whatever I get while she starts shit with him. It works, you know.”

“Well, it didn’t this time,” James said, walking to the other side of the car where Aleks was standing. 

He turned to look at James, but before he managed to do that, he got hit in the face.

“This is for the money,” James said. Aleks had fallen to the ground from the force of the punch he hadn’t expected, so his next kick hit him in the stomach. “And that is for the car.”

Aleks coughed, looking at his blood on the asphalt. “You made me bite my tongue, you asshole.”

James shrugged. “You deserved it.”

“Still a dick move.” Aleks said. He got up on his feet again, holding on to the car for extra leverage.

Aleks was hoping to score a couple of punches as well, but James’ attention was elsewhere already, walking circles around the car. “How are we gonna get rid of this?”

“You got some matches?” Aleks asked him.

“I think I do,” James said, starting to go through his pockets. He came across Lexie’s car keys, snorting at the ridiculousness of the situation. Aleks raised his eyebrow at him, but James didn’t care to explain. Instead, he asked if a lighter was okay.

“I have a lighter myself, dude. It’s matches I need. Didn’t you say there were some in the car?”

“Fuck, right,” James said, climbing back into the car to get the small box from the glove department. He threw it at Aleks who caught it mid air, victoriously shaking it over his head.

“Alright, you’re gonna want to get back for this one,” Aleks warned. James retreated a couple of feet while he opened the gas tank.

Aleks joined James where he stood, squatting down next to him. “You should get ready to run soon.”

James looked at the car, then Aleks, then back at the car. “This is bullshit, you’re gonna blow us both up.”

“Not if we are fast enough,” Aleks said. 

He struck the first match, aiming at the gas tank and missing horribly. The second match joined the first one on the ground, as did the third and the fourth one. James was already getting ready to ask Aleks if this really was the best idea when the fifth one finally landed where it was supposed to.

Instinctively, James grabbed Aleks’ hand and pulled him up, running like hell away from the car. He could feel the heat washing over them before the loud bang of the car blowing up hit them, marking their close escape. 

The two of them ran into the night, leaving behind the burning wreck of a car. They didn’t stop until they were a couple of blocks away, sitting down in a bus stop and laughing their adrenaline rush out together.

\---

The girl was the quiet type, listening to James talk about his made-up life where he had a nice house by the sea and drove a sports car. Sitting on the stool next to her was Aleks, silently toasting James with his glass of beer when the fast and mindless beat of the music turned into a slow, mellow one.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this fic! English isn't my first language and while me and my friends try our best to find any mistakes, they tend to slip in anyway. Feedback is appreciated and keeps the writer happy!


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